Clean Jokes That’ll Make You Laugh Your Pants Off

Funny clean jokes make every conversation better—whether you’re sharing a laugh with a friend or entertaining your kids—and these G-rated jokes are no exception.

From the best clean jokes for adults to clean jokes of the day, this big list has something for everyone, so you can feel good about busting out these hilarious SFW funnies, no matter who it is you’re talking to—from your grandma to your coworker.

Read on to discover the best clean jokes that promise a whole lot of giggles for both adults and kids alike.

101 Clean Jokes

1. There’s a fine line between a numerator and a denominator. (…Only a fraction of people will get this clean joke.)

2. What do dentists call their x-rays?

Tooth pics!

3. Did you hear about the first restaurant to open on the moon?

It had great food, but no atmosphere.

4. What did one ocean say to the other ocean?

Nothing, it just waved.

5. Do you want to hear a construction joke?

Sorry, I’m still working on it.


6. Did you hear about the fire at the circus?

It was in tents!

7. Why do ducks have feathers?

To cover their butt quacks!

8. What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo?

One is really heavy and the other’s a little lighter.

9. What does a nosey pepper do?

It gets jalapeño business. 

10. Why should you never trust stairs?

They’re always up to something.

11. When does a joke become a ‘dad’ joke?

When it becomes apparent.

12. Why did the bullet end up losing his job?

He got fired.

13. What kind of shorts do clouds wear?


14. I entered ten puns in a contest to see which would win.

No pun in ten did.

15. How do you measure a snake?

In inches—they don’t have feet.

16. Where does a waitress with only one leg work?


17. What does a house wear?


18. Why are toilets always so good at poker?

They always get a flush

19. Why is Peter Pan always flying?

Because he Neverlands. (I love this joke because it never grows old.)

20. You heard the rumor going around about butter?

Never mind, I shouldn’t spread it.

21. Two windmills are standing on a wind farm. One asks, ‘What’s your favorite kind of music?’

The other replies, ‘I’m a big metal fan.’

22. The first rule of the Alzheimer’s club is…

Wait, where are we again?

23. I took the shell off of my racing snail, thinking it would make him faster.

But if anything, it made him more sluggish.

24. What do you get from a pampered cow?

Spoiled milk.

25. How does NASA organize a party?

They planet.

clean jokes

26. What’s the best thing about Switzerland?

I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.

27. You know, it was so cold in D.C. the other day, I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets.

28. How many tickles does it take to get an octopus to laugh?

Ten tickles

29. Why doesn’t Dracula have any friends?

Well, honestly, he’s a real pain in the neck.

30. My teachers told me I’d never amount to much since I procrastinate so much.

I told them, “Just you wait!”

31. Why were they called the “dark ages?”

Because there were a lot of knights.

32. What gets wetter the more it dries?

A towel.

33. Why aren’t koalas considered bears?

They don’t have the right koala-fications.

34. You: What cartoon mouse walks on two feet?

Them: Mickey Mouse

You: What duck walks on two feet?

Them: Donald Duck

You: No, all ducks do!

35. Want to hear a joke about a roof?

The first one’s on the house.

36. What’s a pirate’s favorite letter?

You probably think it’s “R” but it be the “C”.

37. How much teddy bears never want to eat anything?

Because they’re always stuffed.

38. Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France?

There was nothing left but de Brie.

39. Where should you go in the room if you’re feeling cold?

The corner—they’re usually 90 degrees.

40. I can never take my dog to the park because the ducks keep trying to bite him.

I guess that’s what I get for buying a pure bread dog.

41. What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a unicycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle?


42. What did the Buddhist ask the hot dog vendor?

“Make me one with everything.”

43. You know why you never see elephants hiding up in trees?

Because they’re really good at it.

44. A horse walks into a bar.

The bartender says, “Why the long face?”

45. How did the hipster burn his mouth?

He ate his pizza before it was cool.

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